Yep there it is. on my right forearm. I know that several people love it and several people hate that I got a tattoo, but I just wanted to share why I did and the reason for where I did. So,
1. The tattoo is of a window in a church that my brother and his wife attend before he passed away. My brother told me he felt called into ministry at his annual conference, and right before he could get started on track to actually be a minister in the UMC he came down with cancer. So, I felt this was a wonderful reminder for me of how much I loved Jay, how much he loved me, and to allow him to be with me as I follow Christ in the ministry.
2. The window its self is a Trinity Window. It represents the Trinity (Father, son, and Holy Spirit) I have always been a huge Trinity kind of guy, and love the understanding of relationship, and mystery found in the understanding of the Trinity! So, this Tattoo represents God in all the forms that God has chosen to reveal himself to his creation.
3. The Tattoo is on my right arm. In the Old and New Testaments, the right hand has always had the imagery of someone’s actions the “doing” of someone. (hence Christ sits at the right hand of God the Father because he was the ultimate actions of God) And we are to keep the ways of God on our right hands and on our foreheads) to remember that our being/thoughts and actions are to be those of God’s in the world. I desire to be the hands and feet of God in all that I do, so every time I look down an see this tattoo I pray that it reminds me to attempt to live out this passionate desire in my life and in the lives of those around me. I actualy wanted the tattoo to be on my hand, but Craig would not do it because we use our hands so much that it would eventualy just fade away and i would have to get the same tattoo over and over again.
4. When I went to Guatemala on the mission trip one of the things I noticed when we were doing prison ministry to the gang members, was their respect and immediate connection to anyone in our group that had a tattoo. I did not think about this until afterwards, but I also pray that through this Tattoo I may be able to develope relationships with others that I might not have normally been able to by finding some common ground of a Tattoo and possibly being able to have a chance to exaplain the meaning and purpose behind my tattoo and maybe have the honor of finding out about the same meaning and purpose behind thier tattoos.
Well, I am blown away by the responses I am getting from the Tattoo, and surprised that my Father and Mother got over the shock fast. (only 2 small moments of awquard silence over the phone. ha ha ha ha) I am sure that many others will be shocked, and mad over time, but all the more reason to be able to develop relationships and get to love others. If anyone is interested I got my Tatto from a good friend that I went with to Guatemala named Craig. (In Guatemala he was doing tattoo cover ups for gang membersthat wanted out of the gangs and covered up their gang tattoos with Christian art…amazing) Anyway Craig owns two Tattoo shops here in northern KY called:
<–click picture for the link
Craig is now actually going through a 3 year process to go into the ministry as well in his own church, so ministry all the way around, heh.
Here are a picture Tiffany took on her iPhones of the work getting done:
My top 10 short-term life list (for now)
I was sitting down thinking about a few things I would like to get done in and around my life so I decided I would like to share them if yall:
1) Start a garden in my back yard
2) Build a compost bin for my garden
3) (play around with the fish in a barrel idea (here is a website talking about it ) very cool. And the implications for this is huge especially for places like Guatemala for sustainable good quality protien! )
4) Knock out this wall in my house ( link to the picture ) For some reason lots of friends would love to help knock it down, heh.
5) After the wall is down and the floor fixed I would love to put in a island in the kitchen
6) then a stained glass window above the front door. ( link to picture ) Nothing fancy, just clear and beautiful
7) Save up enough money to take Tiffany on an anniversay that she deserves to celebrate our 10 years of marriage in Aug.
Start an OG with the people in my neighborhood!
9) Get the air conditioner fixed in my Car
10) Register Tiffany’s car with the county! We have been the owners for close to a month, if she gets pulled over then it will not be a good day.
10.1) I want to hurry up and get my second hurnia surgery done!
Well, here comes some hard core truth and to be honest, I feel like I need to put it down in this blog (only in the hopes that others can be blessed by a shared struggle, or hopefully the movement of God in our prayerful decisions). Tiffany and I went to the Infertility Dr. (yeah I know I think they should be called fertility Dr.’s, who wants to go to the infertility Dr… what we want is to be fertile, heh) Anyway, we went there last week and they accepted us into a study that does invetrofertilization at a fraction of the cost (something around $5,000 instead of the normal $20,000.) We got the spill of info the financial talk, and then the “process” talk. We signed the papers, only as a formality because the study had a deadline and we wanted to be on it, but we did not have to make a final decision until 90 days after we signed. So, we left telling them we would pray about the entire thing and get back to them.
The process of invitro is simple. Tiffany takes her shots (just like last time) then they harvest her eggs (around 7-10 eggs) then they take my boys put them in a petri dish and give them some alone time, heh. Then they put them through a wash to make sure that the most hardy ones will survive, then they two two of the fertilized eggs back into Tiffany and we pray that they continue the cell multiplication inside of her and she becomes pregnant. But here is our rub…..
since they only put two eggs back into Tiffany what happens to the other fertilized eggs? The options are as follows:
1. Destroy them (not an option for us)
2. They put them inside Tiffany during a time that Tiffany’s body would not provide a place of growth and they would be destroyed.. just in a different way. (not an option for us)
3. We attempt to birth every single one of those fertilized eggs, with the option of having so many children that we would not probably be able to provide for them all. (not an option for me, but my amazingly beautiful Tiffany would be willing to sacrifice almost any standard of living for them even if we have multiple twins.)
4. We give them to other couples that cannot have babies (just like us) through adoption. (but this would mean that there literally would be a huge potential of little D.G. and Tiffany’s living in this world not in our arms, of a couple we have no idea how much say we would have in the adoption of whom they would be given to)
————————————
Or, of course, we have the other side of the decision……..adoption.
————————————
Now, here is the soul discussion that Tiffany and I had tonight:
At first we both were excited about the Study opportunity. Here is a chance that we can be able to have a child of our own flesh and blood for God and his Kingdom. I could carry on the blood line of my family (I am the only male sibling of the “Hollums” name in West Texas, and in my family) And Tiffany and I could be able to raise our own child birthed by us, which is what we have been fighting for the past 8 years of our marriage, Damitt!!!!
Since our visit to the infertility Dr. we both have been in prayer so deeply with fear, trembling, and hours and hours of blood sweat and tears! And tonight we talked about our talks with our God.
Tiffany asked me if we had twins (through the study), and then we had another child naturally, would we give him/her up for adoption? And she challenged me with what would be the difference between birthing one or two children and then giving the rest of our fertilized eggs up for adoption?
So, all of our wrestling with God came to a head, right then and there in a Starbucks. We came to the very real reality that we would give God our children if he asked for them, but neither of us had received a definite answer to do the study, but every time we talked about adoption both of our hearts leap for joy! We can not find any grey areas when it comes to adoption, but there is and will always be there with the study.
So, we sat in our car and cried for our unborn child of our own blood. We cried for our desires to carry own our family through blood, and cried for our desires to love each other by giving each other and especially God this amazing gift of a child. We sacrificed our unborn child to God and have decided to adopt an amazing wonderful future with an adopted child of our and God’s own. It has been one of the hardest decisions I and we had ever made in our lives and in our marriage, but this is God working in and through us.
We know that life will be just fine and God will continue to embrace us in his arms of love and grace, but it is so hard….it is so hard… LORD, why is it so hard to sacrifice for you? To sacrifice for Tiffany and your kingdom. These tears are of sadness, and are of joy, and peace, but it is so hard.
LORD, you reminded us today of when Nicodemus was so confused about Jesus saying he needed to be born again, and that Nicodemus was so caught up in his thoughts of flesh-and-blood birth to be your people (”Should I go back into my mother’s womb?”), and then there Jesus basically says that it will no longer be about flesh and blood, but it will be God adopting anyone and everyone into his family and Kingdom. And pray that you take this prayer and show others that your Kingdom is coming in our lives and hearts here in our as it is in heaven.
So, God we bring to you this sacrifice upon your alter. Our unborn Issac. You are our God and our King, LORD and Lover of our souls. Our life is yours always and forever. use us how you will, build us up or tear us down. Empower us or make us weak. all we are is yours. give us everything, give us nothing. We are yours, and make this covenant always be fulfilled in us, and through us, and LORD despite us. We live and walk by your loving kindness and grace. Thank you……thank you!
———————————–
Wow, OK, I guess I just needed to get one out. Thanks for your prayers, and I pray that in times of your struggle that you can find the peace and joy in the midst of the pain, and of the hope that comes from Christ, who showed us what hope, peace, and joy tastes like in the midst of pain. That is the God that we serve.
For those of you who live this life with me through this blog, Thank you, for your love and grace and care. Thank you!
P.S. Look out world….. The Hollums’ are searching for God’s desired child to be raised and loved by us then unleashed into this world to live out the kingdom in their lives with god’s love and grace for you!!!! The future is limitless! Amen!
The last round of shots did not work. So no pregnancy. Where this leaves us? Sad. It sucks, and it is frustrating like nothing I have ever felt before. It is so hard to ever write this. This was our 10th time to try to have a baby through the help of infertility clinics/Doctors. Tiffany has been poked and prodded, and I have give way too many “samples”. and we are just tired. We tried to take the day off and just spend some time together and that helped, but not near enough. This will be a grieving process just like Jay was those years ago. i still tear up every now and then when I or god brings him to mind, and I have a feeling that the lack of our own baby will be the same way for a few years. We will make it through it. The one thing I wish is that people would know how to talk to us. Everyone and I mean everyone is well meaning, but sometimes they should just love on us without words. Please if you know of someone who is going through this do not try to take care of them by saying:
1. Well my (instert relitative/friend) went through that same thing. just keep trying.
2. Well you know that if you adopt that you will then have a baby.
3. (say anything cheesy)
The fact of the matter is, the best way to love someone while they are going through a loss of a loved one, of the lack of a loved one is probably no words at all, unless they ask for them. But a simple, “sorry” and a hug is all that most people really need (and of course I would add in a ton of prayer, heh heh)
But I must tell you that it is torture going to church or any place else that there are several people that will ask you about it. It is a catch 22, you want tons of people praying for you, but when it does not work out, you do not want to tell them the sad news because you know that one of the three “saying” will occur, and every time you talk about it you tear up and that just makes for a crappy day.
And the real kicker…… Two Sundays from now is Mother’s day. probably the hardest day of the year for both Tiffany and me (because I don’t like seeing my wife’s soul hurt) and it is Pentecost Sunday, and it is Confirmation Sunday! I have a feeling we will be running from the church building as soon as the 2nd service is over, heh.
But, thank you for your prayers, and i want you to know that through the tears we praise God for helping us know a little more direction of where He desires for us to go when it comes to children. Now we get to look forward to what ever God has in store for us in the future! maybe adoption, but we have no idea when or how, but I promise we will be loving God through it.
(oh and you will not be able to leave comments on this post, heh heh)
There was no baby us us this round… only one round left…then we look towards adoption.
Please pray for us.
Christ have mercy.
Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Head over to Tiffany’s Blog (<–click there) for the next rumblings of our winding road towards trying to have a baby… I go make the deposit tomorrow, and then the Dr. gets to try to introduce my boys to Tiffany’s eggs! please be in prayer for us…. it is just a hard thing for us, but we love God, each other, and the hope that is found in being a citizen of The Kingdom! man I love Hope!
KUTPs!!!!
Well, everyone Tiffany and I started the fertility shots last night the first one for this round, we are hopeing that since this is the round after Tiffany had surgery, that everything has been cleaned out and ready to go now. So, I beg you all… please pray! KUTPs!!! Amen!!!
Oh, and if you live in or around the cincinnati area you have got to check out:
Via Crucis Immersion
It is bassically an experiential worship experience that allows you to walk beside Christ along the stations of the cross that incorporate art, and all the senses! Here is the website with directions (just click the picture below). It is going on all this week from 11am to 11 pm today through Saturday. (Th3 Waters did station #7)
Thank you all!
This is Tiffany right after they gave her the drugs!! ha ha ha….. she is going to kill me for putting it up here, but if you woke up @ 4:00 am, haven’t had anything to drink or eat…not even gum, and you just got a lots of drugs, I don’t think you or me could look as beautiful!
(man I love my wife!)
Here is what the Dr. found out while fishing around in Tiffany:
1) little bit of Endometriosis on the Ovaries
2) Decent mount of gelatinous scar tissue behind the uterus (caused by reverse menstrual bleeding….it is the place that the eggs drop after the bleeding times)
3) possibly a little blockage in the fallopian tubes
The Dr. said that everything looked good now, and that he is hopeful and looking forward to the results that the next round of shots will provide. he was glad to know everything with what he is dealing with, and the results after this surgery are even better for most people than before it.. he seemed hopeful.
Thank you for your prayers and please keep them up!
(I will try to see if I can post the photos of the surgery just like last time, but until then please just pray for us and Tifany is heal up and take it easy for a few days!
well, no luck or joy in the second round of attempted baby making with shots!!! @$:/-@$$”&$”&?!!@”&;;!!!!
it is very difficult! For me & tiffany, but I will live a life of thanks in the midst of live or death! It just makes it a little mire difficult to celebate God as a baby this time of year, heh. My heart breaks, & it kills me to see my wife’s heart ache just as deep as mine.
Next step is to have Tiffany go through a second round of surgery to clear anything that might be causing the lack of fertility, I am sure that will come after Christmas, so thank you for your prayers and thoughts! Please keep them coming! Please.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Here is a picture of our Christmas tree this year. The Halo helmet I stole form a story in Digg.com, but the gender of the tree was all me…thanks to the help of Tiffany’s favorite store Michael’s! When I saw those balls I knew exactly what I had in mind for them! oh yeah!
====================
Here is the final picture of the aftermath after a game of Munchkin (I think on Tiffany’s Birthday) I love this game, but I never win at it..and I did this time, so here is all my cards and the final 10 level on the dice! Oh man it was a great day!
===============================================
And last but never least is the note that Tiffany was artificially inseminated Friday…so here we go on the second round of trying to make a Baby! I try to make it a fun time when we go, so this time instead of walking into the Dr.’s office with the plain brown paper bag containing my “deposit for the bank of Tiffany” I decided that I would spruce it up a little bit and give it a little Starbucks packaging. I can’t tell you how many people asked me if I brought them Starbucks.. i tried to tell them that they probably did not want what was in the bag, ha ha ha ha…. but come to find out the Dr. loves Starbucks and gave me a high five when he found out what we had done! I made everyone smile, and that is exactly what the Dr. ordered for that day since it is our second round…so here is the pea for you all to please pray for us, and that if this is what god desires for us to do/have…then please pray for us and the possible future baby! Thanks and God bless yall!!!! KUTPs!!!
Next Page »
