One of my best friends in Seminary (at least one of my friends that I look up to the most was and still is Aaron Mansfield. He is by far the one I turn to if I have a question about Leviticus, and he reminds me so much of my Good-Old-Boy West Texas kind-of-guy-great-friend. Well, his wife passed away yesterday…a beautiful woman inside and out. She was an inspiration to me, because he too like my brother Jay had cancer, and yet it looked like she was going to kick it’s ass….but I think the chemo (just like my brother) got the best of her body. I just read the first of many posts by Aaron as he takes the long never ending journey of life living after one has crossed the thin space into “actual” reality and presence with Christ. I read it and of course I cried, because I hear the echos of jay in his grief, and passionate love of God and his wife. It is personal, and it is hard..but it is life, and life well living… And I wanted to share his heart with you in the hopes that you to will be blessed so that you in turn can take your blessing from the memories and life of Melissa and bless this world… for we are here only for but a short time. God bless you all…and God bless you Aaron.
(please pray for Aaron, and their two children little Joseph and John) God bless you and KUTPs!!!
Here is Aaron’s letter:
Hey folks, I’ll put this on the blog, I guess, but maybe some people don’t get there, and this will be easy enough to froward. Please pass it on to anyone you think would want to know.
On Saturday, we saw the first signs of a problem. Didn’t know it was a problem. She had received an injection in the back of her arm that morning. Later that evening, it started bleeding and it took a while to get it stopped. Not a huge amount of blood, but a steady flow from a pin-prick hole. I thought, “Well, her platelets must be really low.”
Got it stopped, no more problem. She went to the clinic for her usual visit Sunday. We knew her liver numbers weren’t great. But when she got there, they were worse and with the bleeding, they admitted her.
Apparently, your liver has a huge role to play in clotting, and even if your platelets are good, if the liver is not helping, you’re in trouble. I stayed with her Sunday night. We watched The Big Lebowski on tv. We saw it for the first time Friday night, and were laughing that it was on again.
She was weak Monday morning. I went on to the church. Came back, got the boys settled, returned to the hospital about 7:30 or so. Connie (Sissy’s mom) told me she was not so good. And she wasn’t. But, I thought, she’ll get past it. She always did. I had seen her weaker.
She had liver problems right after the transplant. She did not look as bad as then. Her eyes were a little yellow, but not bad.
Through the night, she’d get up and I’d help her to the bathroom. She was still getting up, still strong enough to get up and walk. We didn’t talk much—I was tired, she was, too, and I had no clue how things were.
Her levels of different things were spiking up and they tried to get them down. Some of the clotting numbers were improving. Then at 5 a.m. or so, she started bleeding massively—her heart rate went sky high, blood pressure dropped. The crash team came in and after about 40 minutes got things under control, but Sissy was never really responsive much after that. You could call to her, and she’d look at you. I told her I loved her. Melissa’s parents came in as soon as her nurse told me she was doing bad, and they needed to be called. We had to make decisions—she might need to be on a ventilator.
We knew from long before she ever got sick she didn’t want that. And thru this all she told me that if it got to the point where she was fading, let her go. She stabilized. Dr. Geoff Herzig won’t give up, and he felt like if she could get her past this, the liver would regenerate and we’d be back where we were, a positive place where she was doing good in recovery. But by noon, it was clear that was not working. We could give her blood, blood products, clotting drugs and all it would do was work a little. The liver just didn’t have anything else in it. Her kidneys did not seem to be functioning.
So I had to say things I never thought I would. I broke my own heart and said, let’s let her go.
I left about an hour after that to go get the boys. To tell them something. To take them to be with my parents and brother who had come in. I knew that Sissy might not last until I got back. But I also knew she would want the boys taken care of. I knew her love for them is what would send me. My goodness, what love she gave to us, that even in the most desperate moment in my life, when all I wanted to do was stay with her, to watch her, to touch her, to speak to her, I knew I could leave because she loved those boys. And there has never been anything left unsaid between us. There was nothing more to say to her that she had not know long before she ever got sick.
My brother drove me to the house. Got clothes for the boys, got them from school. I told them that Mommy was really sick, that her liver was not working, and when that happens, people don’t live. John fell into me and Joseph jumped around like he head not heard and then snuggled with Nathan. As I had been told, they would hear it and then move on, trying to deny it. We sat around loving on them, then took them to Dairy Queen. Dropped them off at the hotel with my parents.
The boys were so glad to see them. It was a great distraction, a great aid for them to be with family, where the grief would not be so open and raw all the time.
My dad drove me to the hospital. When I came onto the unit, one of the nurses, Shellie, came and got me and rushed me back. I stepped into the door way and Sissy stopped breathing. Y’all, she waited for me to come back. She knew I had that darn squeaky left shoe. Could hear it coming down whatever hall I walked. I prayed over her. And then there was so much crying. My dad held me like he has never had to in probably 30 years. “I wish I didn’t love her so much.” He said, “no greater love…” a reference to his favorite verse. Jesus laid down his life that we might live.
But now let me tell you about what I am calling “Melissa’s Holy Week.”
I think she knew something was up. I am not sure she knew she would die. But I think she knew that she might have something going on she would not recover from. So it was time to hang out. Monday, she had the best day ever, as she said. We left the clinic, ate at Skyline, got the boys. She did not want to go home and sit or sleep. So we all went back to town, dropped off her handicapped parking permit, went and got some periwinkles. We came back and planted them, me and the boys, while she sat in the garage and watched. We had a picnic outside.
Maybe that day she really did feel good. She wanted to hang out with us. Periwinkles—a chemo drug Melissa took is made from African perwinkles. They are my favorite annual flower, I guess. And now, like all things, they are freighted with memory.
Tuesday, she hung out with her mom. Wednesday I think, she drove around with her dad, more energy, doing more things. I think she knew she had to soak up some time.
Friday was the last good day. I took her home from the clinic, we got the boys, planted what was left to plant while she sat in the garage.
There was nothing but patience with the boys, where I was a little impatient. Then she wanted to watch the boys ride their bikes at the school down the road, something she had not done yet. She was really quiet as she watched them, and me. I should have known.
We had another picnic. She told me, “I am glad you like to be outside.” She knows this is important to the boys. I think she was telling me, as she had in a million other ways, even literally, “You’re a good Daddy, and thank you.” Dummy me, I said, “When you get better, maybe we can adopt some kids,” because all we wanted was a lot of kids.
Connie bought her some new clothes, and we see now that Melissa looked at her with a look that said, “Why buy these now?”
What a good week it was. She spent her time with us. She didn’t say how she was feeling. A mother and a wife to the end—her love for us spent time with us. She took care of us to the end.
I married Melissa because: we were good friends; she was the most beautiful woman; she was funny; she accepted me for who I was; when we held each other, all was right in the world; I knew she would be a good mother; she loved Jesus; I knew she would stand beside me.
Melissa and I were submitted to each other before we knew of the biblical doctrine of submission, that each would seek the other’s good before his/her own.
She was never more beautiful than when she had her babies. She loved them more than anyone could. They know it, and it’s our task that they remember it. That’s what she told her mom when she came out of the hospital in June after the transplant. “If I don’t make it through this, you have to tell them how much I loved them, how hard I fought for them.” Do this in remembrance of me.
I am as heartbroken and beat down as I have ever been. But I have peace. I can’t explain this power of Jesus. It’s not only that I know her faith, her trust, and how it grew these two years. She is a model of grace under pressure, of the power of faith in Christ in times when it’s easiest to give up, to ask where is this God everyone keeps talking about. My peace also comes from knowing that if her love sustains me now, to the point I could go to the boys, not knowing if she would die before I returned, how much will Christ’s love sustain us?
Y’all, I am beat down. Crushed. There are no words for my grief. But there are no words for my peace. He lives. She lives in Him. John and Joe have kept saying that they know she is with Jesus and one day they will see her again. “Jesus has better food even than Mammaw.”
But Melissa might beg to differ.
During the day, I read her favorite Scriptures to her. Revelation 5, esp 5:8. Matthew 11:28-30. Psalm 62. Then some others. John 12, the seed that dies to produce fruit. 1 Corinthians 15 on the resurrection and the resurrection body. Philippians 1, because she says she wins either way—she got that from Ann Orr, when Ann was dying of cancer.
Remember us, especially my boys. It’s a long road. One that will need light on the path. I’ll need wisdom and discernment to discover how I live now, how I continue in my calling. There was a time in the desperate days before and right after transplant when I said, “Maybe I should quit and take a regular job where the time demands are not as great or at least not as demanding in times when you could spend it wit you or the boys?” Or when we talked about what might happen if she
died: “Do I quit for a while, find a regular job, something where I can take care of the boys in the best way?” She had a quick answer, “You wouldn’t be happy doing that.” She always supported me in everything.
Always will.
Let me tell you one of those stories you hear, a strange moment. I was coming back from my parents’ hotel, going back to Waddy to be with my in-laws, make arrangements, etc. I turned on our (the four of us) favorite tape, Jars of Clay’s Redemption Songs. I like, “God Will Lift Up Your Head.” John likes “On Jordan’s Stormy Banks I Stand.” Joe’s favorite is “It is Well With My Soul.” Sissy’s favorite is “I’ll Fly Away.” I turned it on in the car. I said, “Sissy, I am playing your song.” Then I did what I too often do: start talking too much, analyzing, thinking out loud. Do they hear what’s going on down here?
Do they care up in heaven about this miserable place? I was wondering, “What would Aquinas or Chrysostom say?” Then I heard clear as day, “Be quiet and let me listen!” How many times has she said that? I’m a ranter and raver, a think-out-louder, and so many times she would just ask me to be quiet for a spell. Or, one night when she could not sleep she said, “Tell me about Pol Pot” (because I know just about everything there is to know about Pol Pot…) and she went out.
I looked over in the passenger seat, a seat she sat in all the time, we would hold hands all the time. And it was empty. But my heart is full of love for her and her love for me. Folks, it’s like I get a clearer picture of the gospel: the disciples (loved ones) don’t quite get it, that the end is coming. Jesus spends some real time with them, even tho He always had anyway. Some last words, some powerful love. He dies. Then we go about keeping the memory alive. Keeping the love and the power of the love alive.
One day, things will recede. I won’t be constantly heartbroken. The devotion to her memory will not be as fierce. But it will be there, I pray, a constant source of strength. She loved me, the boys, her family, like no one else. I floated around constantly, did whatever, had confidence in all things because I knew simply that at the end of the day, no matter what, I could go home to love.
I suppose I will say a lot more. It’s how I process things, I guess.
And more: I want you to know her.
You can read Aaron’s blog here: www.p-over-g.blogspot.com
Here are the arrangements if you live near Lexington, KY:
Visitation will be at Shannon Funeral Home in Shelbyville, Friday from 3-9.
Funeral Service will be Saturday at First United Methodist in Lexington, Ky at 1 p.m.
Burial will follow in Bagdad, KY.
On Monday of this Holy week I had a really deep and profound dream. I won’t go into the entire dream…mostly because I can not remember it, but the one part I do remember felt like it was real. (you know the kind…when you wake up you just knew that it was real and wonder how you got into bed…instead of wondering how you go in the dream)
Well, I remember that I walked up into a war torn town square (it felt like Europe but nothing made it seem like a specific town…maybe Rome or somewhere in Italy?) I walked up to a single man standing in the center of a gathered group of people. I noticed that the people were not average people. They were all mentally handicapped or homeless. I thought it weird, but i felt like I was destined to see the event take place. The Man in the center moved like what I would think an Angel would move…just so smooth and yet purposeful. Each movement was almost like a dance of pure grace.
I noticed that he had a small mentally challenged girl that was wobbly holding a glass…almost drunk like. And the man was pouring wine or grape juice into the cup and as she swayed and bobbed he perfectly joined her in her movements pouring the wine/grape juice into the cup. Not a drop was spilt on the ground, it was almost like he joined her in her debilitating movements and showed us all that he could dance with her. But this was not a dance in the sense that most of us think of dancing, it was so close to liturgy that no one could tell the difference. And all of us were in awe of the beauty that was unfolding before us.
After he finished pouring the wine (funny I don’t remember him having a container to pour from) he perfectly matched the girls movements to take the glass from her. And in that movement there were two drops that just barely dropped over the rim of the glass, and everyone watching (in amazement) gasped at the thought of this blood colored wine dropping on the floor, not because the man would not be able to finished this feat with out spilling any, but because this wine was precious…beautiful….sacred.
Then the man with his thumb and middle finger saved both tears of wine from going any further down the glass and brought them back home to the inside the glass. Then out of nowhere it started to rain blood and my view point changed to following two drops of the blood falling from he sky and as they danced down spinning through the sky they feel right above the man and he proceeded to move the glass so as to catch the two drops with the wine glass. And then everything went into slow motion. The two drops of blood hit the wine and changed the entire glass to blood. nothing seemed gross or disgusting, but beautiful. And immediately the homeless man I was standing behind yelled out, “JESUS!!!!!”. And in that one moment everyone knew no matter their mental abilities, that we were witnessing Jesus. It all just became clear. And the cry from the homeless man, was one of sheer pain and passion.
It was a sorrowful battle cry.
We knew that the man was filled with sadness, but at the same time he was invigorated by the battle the man was having with death. Jesus immediately fell to the ground spilling the blood filled wine glass all over the ground and everyone joined the homeless man, including me with lifting our hands to the heavens. Then the body of Jesus started to float up to the heavens, and as his body was coming back to life and floating to the heavens, I awake.
I woke up with my face towards the ceiling and my arms lifted with tears in my eyes. I worshiped, and desired so much to go back to the reality of my dream.
May you all live in the ultimate reality of Christ this Holy week! Worship with your life! Worship with your life! And join the homeless, widows, orphans, socially unaccepted and live a sorrowful battle cry. Live with the same passion that he lived for us!
Amen! Glory to God!
So, that night all I could do is wait to call the insurance company the next morning and then find out what they said….. and see if H.H. Gregg could help out with replacing the laptop. Well for some reason I have set y cell phone to silent and I charge it in the office room of our house so I never heard it ring…but after I woke up that next morning I went into the home office and I saw that I had 2 cell phone messages. I immediately grabbed my phone and held down the number 1 button to get into my voice mail and low and behold there was the Affinity rep. guy (the one who came over to my house the night before) and he told me that he had good news and that they recovered the laptop, and he was heading over to my house with it and a small gift from H.H. Gregg to apologize and let me know of their appreciation of the entire ordeal!
The next message was from the loss prevention guy @ H.H. Gregg to make sure that I got the other guys message and to make sure that the laptop was OK and in good shape.
I immediately called back the Affinity guy and told him I was thrilled that he got the laptop and that I would be here at the house until he arrived and that i could not wait to hear the story.
Ok before I tell you more I must tell you what else happened the day before:
After the two police men heard the description of the truck and the two guys they immediately called Affinity and after lots of talking they finally found out the next two places the truck was going to deliver stuff too and questioned the two guys and searched the truck all over the place and they found nothing. So, this then made the story my word against their word. And I think that is why the H.H. Gregg general manager and the Affinity man came over to my house to see if I was legit and if my story panned out. (and there was no other way my laptop could have been lost unless I just lost it and could not find it.
OK, so the Affinity guy shows up to my house that morning with the laptop…and tells me the story…..
He said that when he visited our house last night that the one thing that really hit home wiht him was that we could careless about the laptop itself…(the church has insurance it could be replaced) but all the ministry on it could not be. That killed us…there is a ton of work that has gone into Th3 Waters and most of it was one this laptop and in my head…and I need the ministry on the laptop more than anything else on it. And the Affinity guy said that he realized that this was a horrible situation and really hit hard on his heart.
So apparently, they had a (heart-to-heart) talk with one of the guys and one of them must have been touched in some small way and called up the other guy who had the church’s laptop @ his house. After talking to him for a while he went over to his house and “softened his heart” a little I guess and he eventually gave it over to the one guy who gave it over to his boss who had just given it to me wrapped in bubble wrap.
I got the laptop, opened it…and signed in and everything was there! The laptop had a few scratches on it…but it woluld have gotten those over time anyway…so I was not worried about it at all…and then the Affinity guy went back to his car to get me the small gift from H.H. Gregg. It turns out the other guy the GM from H.H. Gregg felt like we needed some kind of compensation from them to say they were horrified and sorry for what happened. And he handed me a $200 gift certificate to only be spent @ H.H. Gregg in 6 months!
And that blew me away. They kept telling me that I was one of the nicest guys they had ever met and that any number of them would have been throwing things into the walls and much more upset, heh…. well then I decided to call the other loss prevention guy to tell him the laptop was fine and to thank them for the gift…and I told him I was going to give him a hard time…and he said go ahead that it fine with me, heh… so I told him that it sure was funny that they were going to be willing to replace a $2,700 laptop, and then all they gave me was $200? ha ha ha ha… i really was just joking….and he had a good laugh and we hung up the phone…but then the GM called me and asked if everything was OK, etc… and I told him the whole story and then i gave him a hard time too….and he said….wait…your right… I agree with you. And so, he proceeded to tell me that he would sent out another $300 to go with the $200 and make it an even $500!!!!
I was blown away! I know that when I was in corporate America we could do things like this, but man oh man that was very cool…..and he said that when ever we decided to make the purchase for me to call him and he would get the product at cost!
so, that is the rest of the story, and now I have no idea what I am going to do with $500 in a store that sells electronics (insert ironic tone here, heh) again if anyone of you know me then you know that I love my tech…and home theater especially)….the only problem is that I am not sure if I can save up enough money in 6 months to get what I would want, heh….
but isn’t it amazing how people even when they have been bad….might all have a small soft for him?
I will not press charges against the guys, what I told the police was i would love to take them out to eat and get to know them and show them grace! I have no idea if the policeman will put out a warrent for them or not…. he has plenty of evidence to do it and it would at least go on their record…and that might not be a bad thing too. And the one guy I know for sure does not have a job…and the other guy I am not sure about…but anyway…what a wild ride…..heh
Well, it is off to Staff meeting…the 1st one with Tiffany as the new youth and children’s pastor!!!
Oh and the KY Conference has officially accepted us to join their conference so at this annual conference they will vote us in….and we will both be officially members of the KY Conference of the UMC! Very cool indeed if you ask me! Praise be to God!
And I must apologize for taking so long in getting this post up…several of you begged and some of you ordered me to put it up, heh… but life is just a little busy right now. we are not totally out of the old parsonage yet, we are trying to move into the new office @ work, and our house is filled with boxes that seem never ending! So, thank you all for putting up with my crazy life and until next time… God bless you just as much or more so as he has blessed and is blessing me, and never forget to KUTPs!!! love yall!
Yep, you read that one right…. 2 guys came again today to install the new washer (that replaced the broken one they tried to install yesterday) and here is how it went down.
I was working on my laptop checking email and about to start work on the Saturday evening worship talk…when the door bell rang. I cosed the laptop (and with a Mac it went to sleep mode) and set it in the Home theater chair beside the other one I was sitting in. I went to the front door holding Halo back…and it was the H.H. Gregg delivery team here to install my new washer and stack the already existing dryer on top of the washer!!! Woo hoo…(Tiffany and I have been living out of out suitcases we were in desperate need for clean clothes!)
Well, I watched them most of the time while they installed the appliances. And then I asked them if they would like a drink…and the new guy (one of them came last week) said that he would like to taste my new favorite drink “Bawls“….so I left them and went up stairs and got him the drink. I brought it down to him and everything was fine… Well, I had needed a wrench to take the shower head off upstairs and I thought that maybe they would have brought one with them…and sure enough they did have one…so they let me borrow it and I went upstairs to go and take of the shower head.
I guess it was during this time that they finished and walked into the Home Theater room to find a Mac Book Pro just sitting there in the chair. Sleeping…not doing anyone any harm… just laying down there with it’s little glowing white light in the front…and I guess one of them (or both of them) decided that it would be fun to steal a $2,900 laptop ($2,500 with two programs on it that were not cheap). Well, I walked down stairs to find the new guy waiting for me to sign the paper work so they could leave. I noticed that the other guy was already in the truck and the truck was running. Then we walked back into the Home Theater room to sign the papers and I noticed that they put the washer’s instruction booklet on top of the laptop in the chair… I signed the paper and they told me it might be a good idea to just let the dryer and washer go through one cycle to make sure that they were working…I said OK, and walked the new guy out of the garage door and watched him get into the huge white box truck.
Well, I went back inside and turned them both on to make sure everything was good and then I sat back down and reached over for my computer to find that my computer was not covered up by the washer instruction manual, but had been replaced by it!!!! I freaked out! I torn the chair apart hoping to find it in the cracks or under the chair with no luck…then I tore apart my other chair the one I was originally sitting in and nothing….then I decided to just go up stairs to look all over the place for the laptop…………..nothing…. then it dawned on me the only person inside the house other then me, Halo(the dog), and Sushi (the cat)? The H.H. Gregg guys!!!! then I got mad! So the first thing I did was cal the H.H.Gregg 800 number to tel them the installers stole my laptop….after waiting for an operator ad being transfered 2 times, I talked to Vinnie (sp?) he proceeded to tel me that I must have made a mistake because these guys have been on the job for a long time and all of there workers go through background checks, etc…I told him that they did it and he sad that he would call them and call me back….I proceeded to tell him that that was not the best idea…because it they did steal it…they would never tel their boss they stole it and they would know that i was on to them……bu the guy would not help me at all and so I got off the phone and proceeded to call the previous home owner (who just so happens to be a cop!) I told him and he was @ my house in a matter of mins. I told him everything and he took the invoice and called and talked to Vinnie (who would not help him either (at all) and really ticked us both off. He hung up the phone and told me to go ahead and call in the theft and they sent an Elsmere policeman to the house to make an official report. I told the policeman everything and he got eh serial number of the laptop, etc. and all the info. They started to look for the huge white box truck, and I don’t thin they found them. Well, long story long… I have to call the church’s insurance company tomorrow and make an official report to them, as well.
And to top it all off the washer was leaking after they left… I fixed it myself…bt still I mean come on…this is stinking horrible! The loss prevention guy @ H.H.Gregg called me and apologized profusely, and told me that he was contacting the general manger for the area and would do the best he could to take care of the situation. Then about 45 mins. after that conversation, a rep. from the delivery company Affinity,and a rep from H.H. Gregg. showed up to my house and wanted to see first hand all about the incident etc… so I walked them through the house and told them everything and gave them the police report, etc… So, we will see what comes of all of this.
so, if anyone sees a MacBook Pro laying around anywhere that has all of my stuff in it’s programs…could you just get it to me and bring it back. We (Tiffany and I) went to tonight to have our date night and I told here wen we get back maybe the laptop fairy would bring us a new one…and sure enough….I guess he/she forgot my house…oh well. It is a laptop after all, and not a human being…so I have a good view point on all of this..but it still sucks!
And the funny thing is, man I would have given these two guys the money in my wallet if they just would have asked for it. I really liked them and if yall know me at all I would have invited them to dinner if I had seen them again…..but even now I love them. I wish I could just talk to them. Let them know what I know about grace, love, and forgiveness. I would have done (and still would) almost anything for them. Oh well, please pray for all involved. the two guys, all the H.H.Gregg people, the Affinity delivery guy, and the policemen who help throughout this whole ordeal. God loves them too.
Well, please pray for Tiffany and I, as well. We are interviewing with the KY Conference tomorrow afternoon to be transfered over the the KY Conference of the United Methodist Church! We are excited about it and can’t wait to tell more people about Th3 Waters.
Thank you all for reading my blog. your thoughts and prayer are always greatly appreciated! and please KUTPs!!!! God bless!
