Ξ March 30th, 2005 | → 4 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Well Tiffay’s father came into town today and here is us eating dinner @ the Cowgirl Cafe!  

the one about nothing to talk about….

Ξ March 29th, 2005 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Isn’t it funny how you really don’t feel like you have anything worth saying on a blog and then you don’t post a post for everyone and their dog to read (see yesterday), but you don’t want anyone to think that you have not thought about the blog (or them) so you post a post all about not posting a blog post…when you end up posting a post about not posting a post when in the end you will have posted a post.

(Yeah…ok now you all can join me in the insanity that runs through my head all the time, heh.)

Well, I have been looking for any reason to use the camera that Jay through Sheila gave me and nothing has really popped up yet…and for those things that have popped up I tell myself at that moment that it really is not important enough to take the picture…when what I should do is take pictures of everything/everyone all over the place and then think about it later if I should post them or not, heh.
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Well, I walked into my office on Monday to find it in shambles….they decided a long time ago…(but decided to act upon the decision while I was gone) to shorten the back wall of my office (making my office smaller (which I am OK with it was way too big!) so they could increase the “closet” on the other side into a “room”. Well, I walked into my office and everything that was on my desks and in my office was piled up on my two desks and on/in the cabinets around the front of my office….(Now I am wishing I took a picture of it instead of trying to explain it ha ha) and it was all covered in clear plastic drop clothes and there was a new wall (not yet finished) in there.

Granted I have been gone for 3 weeks and I knew I was going to be very behind concerning work…but add to that the fact that I had no idea where anything was of my stuff,and it was all covered in plastic drop clothes.

Then, before I left we talked about me moving into another office (which I was fine with) and so I went to see if that office was ready for me to move my office into it………..nope! They have used my new office as a storage place for all the furniture that everyone else was not using…so my office was a mess…the office I was to move into was a mess….and I could not even get to my computer to even check the 230 emails that had piled up in my old/current office. (yeah….but that is nothing of the amount of emails that Sheila will deal with…but her Blackberry is nice to handle them all) heh heh…..

So, I spent the last two days moving my library over to the new office and packing up my stuff. I got all the books organized and moved over, but I cannot move anything else because if I set my stuff on the furniture it would have to be moved again anyway…so now it will sit there until I and someone else move the old furniture out of my new office, heh……

So, work has been “different” to say the least. But, all in all, it is good to be at this home I guess.
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I am sure on Sunday I will receive lots of hugs and it will probably be just like the viewings that I will do more consoling than being consoled…but heave that is what I do for my existence and I am just fine with it, heh.

I bet I have read at least 70 cards from loved ones and friends extending their love, thoughts,and prayers…and that is great! I am even astonished at the outpouring of love and care by our churches who gave us lots of money…and I mean lots…for all our problems and it turns out that Tiffany and I are trying to find or might even create some kind of ministry to make the money go towards so that his love for Christ will continue to be shared with others. If you have any ideas we would love to hear them.
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I also would like to talk a little (as if I don’t do enough of that already)…………… so someone turn up the mic and scoot over the soap box….. “Now hear this!”…. heh heh

I shared this with Tiffany yesterday and I have been thinking about it as of late…Throughout this entire process of Jay’s travel departure of a non-stop flight to be with God…..it is interesting how people deal with death. (Me included) Through out this entire thing I have been very intentional on my focus being on God and asking for his eyes to see how we all deal with death and how He can (through me hopefully) be a better minister of the Good News of Christ in these times….I noticed that in a lot of the things (that we normally would give credit to God or request of by God) a lot of us would replace God with Jay. (i.e. Jay really helped me with that Uno hand….instead of in normal everyday circumstances we would say oh man…God really helped me out on that Uno hand) I don’t think we were being bad by doing this…but I think it was a way that we reminded ourselves that Jay is with God and it helped with the process of dealing with death.

Another thing (and this is really what I talked to with Tiffany about) is how I try to the best of my ability to live the Gospel that I preach and speak of. When the rubber meets the road I desire to life a life that is more than just lip service, but living my existence in what I believe and know is truth found in the God inspired words of God called the Bible….. Now, I have never through this entire time NOT accepted that Jay has passed away/died (I can’t stand the term died..but some people don’t understand “passed away”)I know that jay is no longer physically with us anymore in this life…and I don’t downplay that sadness or loss that I feel in my life and heart…but I believe because I am Christian that there is more to this life than living and dyeing. And there is more to come even after death for everyone! So, I brought up to Tiffany that I purposefully have tried to speak of Jay in the present tense. Jay is not in the past tense…now the memories are in the past and I speak about those in the past…but not Jay in the now…because Jay is alive right now….similar to how Jesus is alive. Now, I won’t go into the theology of if Jay is awake or sleeping, but one thing is sure in my faith and belief is that Jay is alive and he is in the presence of Jesus. And, so I can speak of Jay in the present and mean every word of it, because I believe it is truth and my life is continued to be lived in the existence of my faith. No intentional separation on my part is expressed between my faith and my living…so I can say that Jay loves his TV, and Sheila, and my parents,Sheila’s parents and brother, me, D&D, Cherry Vanilla Cream Blue Sky Drinks, etc….

I had a pastor on our way back home tell us that we should not deny the death…and skip to the life after death and/or resurrection…(and this was on Easter Sunday he was telling me this, heh)….but he is partly right…I believe God never intended for death to occur…it is the choice of humanity to eat of that tree and that death is a consequence (sp?) of that choice…but it is life that God focuses on…it is resurrection that he offers to all people and most importantly it is relationship that he offers not only in the life to come but the life that you and I live right now! In this current time and space! I do not deny death at all, but I am part of the resurrection people and it is life that Christ has come to offer all those who desire to be in relationship with him…and that is what he has charged all Christians to offer not only in their speech but especially in their living.

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Ok so much for not having anything to write about, heh…well……I guess I better go to bed…but let me find a good captions picture for us to comment on…..

“Hey Baby…What do you say we get off this ice and find some chocolate?”

(yes, I know I stole this idea off of the Food Network ads, but it is still funny if you ask me)

Remember you can leave any funny comments to this photo on the comments for all to enjoy….

(some of you have been having trouble in posting a comment and I am workin on that…you might need to clear out your cookies/cache and make sure you allow cookies form www.blogger.com, but I will see what I can do about that problem…if you can not post a comment please email me and tell me what is going on and I will try to help out. Thanks!)

The one about me testing out Picasa and Hello….

Ξ March 28th, 2005 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

If any of you want the best software for organizing and dealing with photos out there then you need to go download the software called Picasa. It is top notch, and while I was @ Jay and Sheila’s I saw that you can download another program that works with Picasa called Hello…and this software allows you to in real time share your photos with friends and family, but it allows allows me to post pictures from my computer on my blog! So hopefully with the new camera that Sheila gave me and this new software I can put lots more photos on my blog for everyone to see. It should make things a little more brighter around here, heh. So the previous two posts were just that, heh. The Only problem is I think when I post the photos they will be in seperate posts…but that is not too big of a deal…so I hope yall like it…let me know.

KUTPs!!!!

love yall!

Ξ March 28th, 2005 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Here is a pic of the snow we ran into driving from El Paso to Lovington. This picture does not do it justice, but it was amazing! 

Ξ March 28th, 2005 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Here is Tiffany with Brittny Jay and Sheila’s dog. she is sweet but very hyper when you first walk in the door, heh. 

Happy Easter (and passover) ;)

Ξ March 27th, 2005 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Happy Easter and Passover yall! Take care and God bless everyone one of yall! Take care and now we are off to drive home from Tiffany’s parents house! Service was good today, but we are ready to share Easter with each other and our dog AT HOME! heh.

Thank yall and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!!

Just in cause yall need them here are some passover peeps! Happy Easter/Passover!

Passover Peeps!

God bless yall!

The one about travel….

Ξ March 26th, 2005 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

Well, we made the flights to NM, but we are so tired that we cannot see straight. We just got in and ate and now we are going to sleep….considering we had to wake up 1:00 am Mountian Time to get ready and go to the airport then spend all morning long on planes and then lastly drive the almost 6 hour drive from El Paso to Lovington…. we are going to bed in the hopes that we can make it on time to the Easter service here in Lovington and then drive home without falling asleep at the wheel. I have talked Tiffany into seeing that it is better for us to go to church tomorrow morning than for her to risk her life and car going to Connections tomorrrow evening. Besides we have been through a lot and I think it is best for us to be “right” and be effective in ministering that for us to be “off” and not do God or anyone any good because we are not fit physically for ministry.

Well, I am going to sleep and God bless you all! Yall take care and please KUTPs for all of the Hollums and Meason families! Yall take care!

The one about being happy…..

Ξ March 24th, 2005 | → 5 Comments | ∇ Jay |

Well, yesterday was the best worship service I have ever been to in my life and if I can spend the rest of my ministry having that kind of worship of God then I will have a fun ministry. Only Jay and Jesus could have brought together Christians, Jews, Non-Christians, and a category all by themselves)….D&D Players, heh heh. I know that some of those people experienced God in that moment of worship, and I know that that is what Jay would have wanted. Just like his favorite passage Jay would want to live a life and live a death the whole time pointing to the one who he existed for…Jesus and it was just so amazing to have everyone there for the service!!!! And as soon as I can I will give yall pictures of the grave side…that place is unbelievable beautiful!

Well, yesterday morning we all woke up to Sheila yelling and running to Sears to get them to remove the ink tags they never took off of 2 of the dresses she bought for all of this. I could not believe it and it just so happened that Her alarm clock did not go off and she woke up an hour later than she planned on! Then she got in her SUV and mad dashed drove to Sears to get them to remove the tags and of course they did not open until 10:00 am and we were supposed to be at the church (about an hour away) @ 10:15 am……needless to say she was not the happiest of campers at this time..but she made it through and we got to the church.

On the way to the church for Jay’s worship service Tiffany (my wife) kept asking me which song she should sing for the service. I told her that it did not matter and that both of them would do just fine (note to all of you…Tiffany did not practice any songs before this time she was going to get up there and either sing accapella (sp?) or play the Piano and sing at the same time…both options winging it!!!! Can you believe that? Oh man that is crazy..but that is my wife, heh)

Well, we step out of the car and what music was in the air, but Into The West by Annie Lenox (sp?) on the Lord of The Rings movies! It was a perfect song for Jay because he loved anything medieval and then we heard Lorenna McKennet (sp?) another awesome Celtic-esque singer and song and we found out that Keith (the Sr. Pastor) had created this CD just for Jay and wanted it played for him that morning and he played it through the loud speakers of the church so everyone in 2-3 blocks around the church heard the music, heh…..well, Tiffany still not knowing what song to sing heard that song playing from the “church bells”….and immediately knew that that was the perfect song to sing for Jay and for God!!!! So get this…….

Tiffany runs into Keith’s office asking for his internet connection so she can find the words to a certain song to sing for Jay’s service….Keith asked her what song and Tiffany told him the song she just heard outside…….Keith then said to Tiffany, “You mean thie words to this song?”…and Keith handed Tiffany the words to that very song….Keith had planned on saying those words during the service because they were so perfect…..heh heh…….So then Tiffany asked Keith to put that song on repeat and Tiffany ran outside to listen to the song over and over and over….I think she said that she listened to it about 3 times and then the service started…….Tiffany then in the middle of the service sings the song accapella (sp?)! It was better than the surround sound DVD in my house…and let me tell you that is good! She hit ever note perfect and amazed me! (I am almost certain she amazed everyone and now that they have read this story they made be even more amazed!, ha ha)

My wife is amazing…and man I love her…and her voice…..the second amazing thing was that Sheila even said that her singing of that song was great…and coming from Sheila that is saying something, heh (Sheila is an amazing singer for those who may not know)

Well, then we went out to the grave side and it was such a beautiful day! Just awesome! (a Day not too unlike Jay and Sheila’s wedding day in the same church, heh) and then we all went back to eat @ the church and man of man I love potluck dinners! I am part of a larger church right now and pot luck dinners is what I miss most from my home church. When you get to be a large church you tend to have one person or one group of people that fix all the dinners for the entire church and that food that way is great…but there is something about getting to fill your plate with 20 different side dishes and then have 4 different types of desert, heh heh…and I wonder why my figure is not what it should be, heh heh!

I wanted to stand up and tell everyone that if they wondered what Christianity and church was all about that they were experiencing it right there. Here you find a goup of friends that never would have met each other if it were not for their common faith in Christ and they are loving God and respecting the Jesus that lives in Jay. Then you selflessly feed Christians, Jews, D&D players, non-Christians…insert your faith here) and we are all eating in fellowship and community. That is what Christianity is all about relationship with each other and relationship with God! and food is a awesome bonus!!!! woo hoo! Heh heh heh!

It was wonderful and I thank everyone who came, no mater what your faith is I know that Jay and God were so happy that you came and participated in His love for you!

Well, we all got back to the house around 4 pm and then we cleaned it until 6 pm and then every one started to arrive around 7 pm to play D&D. Sheila said that she asked Jay during all of this that if he did not make it through what did he want…and she said he told her, “I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to play D&D”. So we wanted to honor his wishes and we offered D&D to everyone to play. I think we had 2 groups of 5-6 playing at one time and we ever had to get another table from the basement to have enough room…we cooked Sheila’s famous hot wings…oh man that will give anyone fire butt…and Chinese food…(dang that was good) and the last group finished around 3:00 am (hence the non-blog post yesterday). It was such a wonderful and happy time…. He had so much fun and I know that everyone there if you did or did not play D&D you enjoyed the laughter and fun that was had by all…..even those who did not play D&D they watched the last movie of the Lord of The Rings (Return of the King)…(I guess the second best thing to do) and everyone had a great night…what a perfect way to end the celebration of a wonderful life!

Today we slept in and then left to go eat @ Aladdins (sp?) in Pittsburgh and to say good by to my cousins Christy and Kevin! They were so sweet to come down and then they got stuck in North or South Carolina due to storms in Florida, heh. I am sure they are fine now though.

(We then came back home to rest from the night of fun and gaming and then we went to eat @ Dingbats for dinner….yeah you heard me a place called Dingbats. Jay loves their Ultimate Cob Salad so almost everyone eat that for Jay and then we went to Barnes & Nobles for Tiffany (my wife is to Barnes and Noble as Jay is To Best Buy, heh) Then we went to my Dads favorite place in the entire world….Wal-Mart to get a few supplies and then we came home and played UN Attack and had lots of fun…

Oh I almost forgot The morning right before the funeral all of our cars (that were unlocked) got broken into and they stole all the changed that was in the font seats….*yeah tell me about it) they left everything else no stolen CDs and they did not still Jay’s sunglasses! They broke into all of the cars behind Sheila’s house and the cars in the neighbor’s drive way. Then this morning guess what….they did it again the glove compartments were all open and nothing else was stolen…it was crazy…so after the second unlawful entry Sheila contacted the police and they actually came to the door and asked Sheila questions and that was kind of funny….Sheila told them it is funny…if they would just have knocked on the door I probably would have given them $20, heh…… Then she clarified….well it would have to had been the eve of Jay’s funeral, heh heh….

Sheila tells that she would get into arguments with Jay all the time about picking up hitch hikers from the road or helping street people. Jay was so generous he wanted to stop for everyone and help everyone, heh. And she knew if something like that would have happened then she would have given money, heh.

Well, it is the end of another long day up here,,and still while it is fun,,,,Jay is still missed and more often than not my mind slowly drifts back to Sheila and my parents and how much I want to love them well from this loss,,,but there is only so much I can do and God has to take over in that department. I am trying to keep my focus on God and so far He has never (and I believe will never) let me down.

I hope that we get to go eat at the Cheese Cake Factory tomorrow sometime (Jay every time we were here he wanted to take me there but we never got around to doing it) and maybe even go check out Ikea and Best Buy…..(I have to go to Best Buy and buy something…I kow that Jay would do the same for me, heh heh heh.

“I miss him so much” is all I can say each night as my wife holds me in her arms of comfort. I do and I will live a life now of missing him, but I know it is mutual, and some day the missing will end just like hope and faith,,,because these all will fade away in the presence of our God!

Love yall and miss yall! Take care and please KUTPs!!!!!!!

“You have some sun stuck on your nose” “that is the least of my worries….those aliens made us into one body with two upper torsos!”

(please feel free to post your funny comments to the picture)

The one about the last viewings of Jay…..

Ξ March 21st, 2005 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Jay |

Well, today was good, but today was hard. It seems to be the same with crying in the middle of no where, no specific place or thought or time, but I will just bust out in a thought that makes me tear up. And it never fails that laughter follows it. I weep for Jay mostly, but Sheila or my parents or someone else creeps in there too, heh.

I saw Jay’s face for the last time in person until the day I see him again in heaven. It was not the Jay I know and knew. It was lifeless and souless, and I know that Jay of all things was not either of those. It was so good to meet all these people that Jay touched the life of. I had for the first time faces to go with all of Jay’s stories. Some funny, some not so funny…but Jay loved them anyway and I did too! I even met a few people that read this blog each day and knew Jay through the life that I represented here on this blog, heh. It was amazing that they come to pay their respect and love for Jay and they had never met him, but they love and knew about him through me and this blog, heh.

I would find myself looking @ Jay and looking at his chest thinking to myself that I thought I saw a breath. I would love it is as Tiffany said, “I just keep on thinking he is not really dead and he is going to jump up and say ‘Just kidding’! with his huge smile on his face”.

But…………
It never happened. Funny how the thoughts that you felt the days he was sick were still the thoughts you wanted to feel during these times. I found out so much about Jay fro the stories people would tell me about him @ work or his Spirit @ work and how he was so great to work with.

Tiffany asked Sheila on the way home tonight from the final viewing if she would share what she loved about Jay and as Sheila started telling her story after story and loved moment after loved moment, I kept thinking to myself, “that sounds like something I would do!!!” Then I would tear up and dry out and laugh. It is amazing that I have even taken stories about Jay’s life and made them my own and did not even know it. I admire him so much! Jay was, is, and always will be my hero. I love him so much!

Tonight I was going to play his Xbox (Halo2) for one last game as “Rutree” his forever character name. but as I was going to walk up to their bedroom, I heard Tiffany talking to Sheila and I did not want to disturb them…so I came and wrote this post, heh.

Well, tomorrow is the funeral, and what I thought was going to be a rainy day now looks like it is going to be a very nice day…and I can’t wait for the burial…because that place is so amazingly beautiful! The perfect spot for a perfect brother, husband, son, son-in-law, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, and sweet sweet sweet man of God!

I love him and I love you…the readers of this blog, and everyone who got touched by Jay’s life…and whether some of you know this or not….it really was not Jay…but the Jesus in Him that made him who he was…and I know that Jay would love to tell you about his relationship with God and how that is where Jay found his existence and his passion for life, family, Sheila, me, work, D&D, etc….. Jay allowed his true love of Christ to shine through his life and I hope that all of you can know that Jay would never have been who he was without God living in him!

(yeah yeah I know I got on my sermon box…bt it is truth…and I could not help it…because God is a part of me too…but one thing it for sure….it is so freaking awesome living in relationship with God…and so amazingly cool to share the love I have for life and others because of the love that God has for me and you! Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you and please know I love each and everyone of you to the core….no matter who you think you are…I still love ya!

Yall have a good night and please KUTPs!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!

The one about not having time to blog….

Ξ March 21st, 2005 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Jay |

Well, we had the first viewing last night from 7-9 pm and now we have two more today from 2-5 and 7-9 again and the we have the funeral after that sooo I have to go and grab a bite for lunch and then be at the funeral home all day today….It is OK but I can think of better places I would rather be for all of that time. Thank you all for your prayers and please know we love you all!