- Just rocked the worlds of some friends with a home made TX steak dinner! Oh yeah! #
- @danieljohnsonjr awesome! #
- Taking out the trash #
- @AngeloManadato sorry Angelo I will not be able to make it either, my Saturdays are booked up. Yall have fun! #
- Waiting for my wife to arrive at Target to help buy youth supplies, watch Diggnation #
- @danieljohnsonjr ha ha, you yeah the guys: http://theguyspodcast.com were doing the same thing, hopefully our sound will be better in th … #
- Wishing I could make an apple store run #
- I went by the Apple store yesterday and inquired about getting Apple certified #
- Got back from Guitar Center, that store is moving up on my fav stores to visit list #
- Just spent $100 on plants for my house, and I think I want more aaagggggg #
- Anyone have any stats on Tweet-ing deaths a year there are while driving? #
- Driving to @miller22 ’s house to care for his baby and bring Dewey’s for lunch #
- Wow, looking at @miller22 ’s very cute baby, with my hot wife, eating Dewey’s? This is close to heaven #
- @christiansheehy what your doing a podcast? about what? #
- @GSPN we are seeing it tomorrow will review for TGP on Wed. Love to know your thoughts. #
- @thewhitefang76 cool! #
- http://twitpic.com/14ua <- Book I am working from right now #
- Set up @miller22 ’s Wii to go full tilt online! #
- Getting ready for tonight’s Organic Gathering! Http://th3waters.com or http://th3harbor.th3blogs.com join the discussion #
- Recording the guys’ podcast! #
- Finished The Guys’ Podcast! Now I get to edit the Praxis Podcast and get it out tonight. #
- Trying to finish up The Praxis Podcast Episode #9 to post tonight, and might actually finish Episode #10 as well, but it is getting late. #
- Praxis podcast #9 with @edkieb is up and ready for your listening pleasure…. http://praxispodcast.com please subscribe via iTunes! Thanks! #
- Off to bed, sweet sheets! #
- Free McDonalds chicken sandwich today if you buy a drink!!! Free food!!! I feel like I am in college! Heh #
- Retweet @mjleffler: Free 16oz Iced Coffee at Dunkin’ Dounuts today 10a-10p #
- I love my wife!! Just FYI! #
- Watching Keith play the Borne PS3 demo this is a movie. But hardish to play. #
- watching Pirates 3 with Keith and Devon #
- @CaliLewis OS 10.5.2 and iTunes 7.6.2 (9) it is only DLing 1, but shows up two places on iPhone #
- @christiansheehy very cool #
- @jeffcannata you need to hire a body guard, heh heh #
- Getting stoked about new iPhone rumors: black, video conferencing, TV, & GPS, wow! #
- Set up my wife ( @tiffinita )on Twitter, enjoying her using it! #
- Staff meeting here I come! Yeah!!! (insert scarcism here) #
- Any meeting without food is a meeting that could be more effective! #
- Since starting Twitter I find myself longing for stop lights! Heh #
- Just ate with @GSPN I think an amazing friendhip is forming! Look out world! #
- Editing the Praxis Podcast interview with Eric Kieb #
- Why does Garageband work just fine one second and then give me an echo the next? #
- I fixed it!!! Yea!, bad Garage Band bad! #
- Just found out my father-in-law lost his job. #
- I think I need to have a funeral for my 9yr old Bonsai tree! Man I suck…I killed it! #
- Watching Clay Akien on The Tonight show…. His he Gay? Someone might need to tell him. Heh heh #
- Finishing the welcome guide to Revelation, heh heh! Man I love this book! #
- Going to bed! Finished Revelation guide and 1st weeks discussion, dang it is late! #
- McDonalds offering free chicken sandwich on the 15th with purchase of a drink! Free lunch! #
- $3.85 for regular! Dang yo! #
- What happens to gas prices raising by $.05 when they change? #
- Setup Jott.com to work with Twitter…wonder if I will use it? #
- Going to eat with @GSPN tomorrow, looking forward to meet my brother from a different mother, heh #
One of my favorite songs form Flight of the Conchords is A Kiss in Not a Contract. It is by far the best songs for abstinence I have ever heard! Oh yeah! Here is the song for your viewing pleasure!
Oh and I am testing my Tweeter Tools to see if new blog posts will post onto My Twitter.
A Kiss Is Not A Contract (link is to YouTube video)
A kiss is not a contract
But it’s very nice
Mmmmm, very nice
Just because you’ve been exploring my
mouth
Doesn’t mean you get to take an
expedition further south
No.
A kiss is not a contract,
But it’s very nice,
It’s very, very nice,
Just because we’ve been playing tonsil
hockey
Doesn’t mean you get to score the goal
that’s in my jockey
Just because I’m in a two man
novelty band
Doesn’t mean it’s all about
poontang.
I can’t go around loving everyone
I just wouldn’t get anything done
You can take me out to dinner that
might be quite nice
you could buy me a burrito and some beans
and rice
but that won’t get you into pants
paradise
They call it a fly because it takes
you up to heaven oh oh
A kiss is not a contract but it’s very
nice. It’s very very nice.
I’m only one man, baby, pretty baby
We’re only two men, ladies
Babies. Pretty babies.
Well, here comes some hard core truth and to be honest, I feel like I need to put it down in this blog (only in the hopes that others can be blessed by a shared struggle, or hopefully the movement of God in our prayerful decisions). Tiffany and I went to the Infertility Dr. (yeah I know I think they should be called fertility Dr.’s, who wants to go to the infertility Dr… what we want is to be fertile, heh) Anyway, we went there last week and they accepted us into a study that does invetrofertilization at a fraction of the cost (something around $5,000 instead of the normal $20,000.) We got the spill of info the financial talk, and then the “process” talk. We signed the papers, only as a formality because the study had a deadline and we wanted to be on it, but we did not have to make a final decision until 90 days after we signed. So, we left telling them we would pray about the entire thing and get back to them.
The process of invitro is simple. Tiffany takes her shots (just like last time) then they harvest her eggs (around 7-10 eggs) then they take my boys put them in a petri dish and give them some alone time, heh. Then they put them through a wash to make sure that the most hardy ones will survive, then they two two of the fertilized eggs back into Tiffany and we pray that they continue the cell multiplication inside of her and she becomes pregnant. But here is our rub…..
since they only put two eggs back into Tiffany what happens to the other fertilized eggs? The options are as follows:
1. Destroy them (not an option for us)
2. They put them inside Tiffany during a time that Tiffany’s body would not provide a place of growth and they would be destroyed.. just in a different way. (not an option for us)
3. We attempt to birth every single one of those fertilized eggs, with the option of having so many children that we would not probably be able to provide for them all. (not an option for me, but my amazingly beautiful Tiffany would be willing to sacrifice almost any standard of living for them even if we have multiple twins.)
4. We give them to other couples that cannot have babies (just like us) through adoption. (but this would mean that there literally would be a huge potential of little D.G. and Tiffany’s living in this world not in our arms, of a couple we have no idea how much say we would have in the adoption of whom they would be given to)
————————————
Or, of course, we have the other side of the decision……..adoption.
————————————
Now, here is the soul discussion that Tiffany and I had tonight:
At first we both were excited about the Study opportunity. Here is a chance that we can be able to have a child of our own flesh and blood for God and his Kingdom. I could carry on the blood line of my family (I am the only male sibling of the “Hollums” name in West Texas, and in my family) And Tiffany and I could be able to raise our own child birthed by us, which is what we have been fighting for the past 8 years of our marriage, Damitt!!!!
Since our visit to the infertility Dr. we both have been in prayer so deeply with fear, trembling, and hours and hours of blood sweat and tears! And tonight we talked about our talks with our God.
Tiffany asked me if we had twins (through the study), and then we had another child naturally, would we give him/her up for adoption? And she challenged me with what would be the difference between birthing one or two children and then giving the rest of our fertilized eggs up for adoption?
So, all of our wrestling with God came to a head, right then and there in a Starbucks. We came to the very real reality that we would give God our children if he asked for them, but neither of us had received a definite answer to do the study, but every time we talked about adoption both of our hearts leap for joy! We can not find any grey areas when it comes to adoption, but there is and will always be there with the study.
So, we sat in our car and cried for our unborn child of our own blood. We cried for our desires to carry own our family through blood, and cried for our desires to love each other by giving each other and especially God this amazing gift of a child. We sacrificed our unborn child to God and have decided to adopt an amazing wonderful future with an adopted child of our and God’s own. It has been one of the hardest decisions I and we had ever made in our lives and in our marriage, but this is God working in and through us.
We know that life will be just fine and God will continue to embrace us in his arms of love and grace, but it is so hard….it is so hard… LORD, why is it so hard to sacrifice for you? To sacrifice for Tiffany and your kingdom. These tears are of sadness, and are of joy, and peace, but it is so hard.
LORD, you reminded us today of when Nicodemus was so confused about Jesus saying he needed to be born again, and that Nicodemus was so caught up in his thoughts of flesh-and-blood birth to be your people (”Should I go back into my mother’s womb?”), and then there Jesus basically says that it will no longer be about flesh and blood, but it will be God adopting anyone and everyone into his family and Kingdom. And pray that you take this prayer and show others that your Kingdom is coming in our lives and hearts here in our as it is in heaven.
So, God we bring to you this sacrifice upon your alter. Our unborn Issac. You are our God and our King, LORD and Lover of our souls. Our life is yours always and forever. use us how you will, build us up or tear us down. Empower us or make us weak. all we are is yours. give us everything, give us nothing. We are yours, and make this covenant always be fulfilled in us, and through us, and LORD despite us. We live and walk by your loving kindness and grace. Thank you……thank you!
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Wow, OK, I guess I just needed to get one out. Thanks for your prayers, and I pray that in times of your struggle that you can find the peace and joy in the midst of the pain, and of the hope that comes from Christ, who showed us what hope, peace, and joy tastes like in the midst of pain. That is the God that we serve.
For those of you who live this life with me through this blog, Thank you, for your love and grace and care. Thank you!
P.S. Look out world….. The Hollums’ are searching for God’s desired child to be raised and loved by us then unleashed into this world to live out the kingdom in their lives with god’s love and grace for you!!!! The future is limitless! Amen!
The last round of shots did not work. So no pregnancy. Where this leaves us? Sad. It sucks, and it is frustrating like nothing I have ever felt before. It is so hard to ever write this. This was our 10th time to try to have a baby through the help of infertility clinics/Doctors. Tiffany has been poked and prodded, and I have give way too many “samples”. and we are just tired. We tried to take the day off and just spend some time together and that helped, but not near enough. This will be a grieving process just like Jay was those years ago. i still tear up every now and then when I or god brings him to mind, and I have a feeling that the lack of our own baby will be the same way for a few years. We will make it through it. The one thing I wish is that people would know how to talk to us. Everyone and I mean everyone is well meaning, but sometimes they should just love on us without words. Please if you know of someone who is going through this do not try to take care of them by saying:
1. Well my (instert relitative/friend) went through that same thing. just keep trying.
2. Well you know that if you adopt that you will then have a baby.
3. (say anything cheesy)
The fact of the matter is, the best way to love someone while they are going through a loss of a loved one, of the lack of a loved one is probably no words at all, unless they ask for them. But a simple, “sorry” and a hug is all that most people really need (and of course I would add in a ton of prayer, heh heh)
But I must tell you that it is torture going to church or any place else that there are several people that will ask you about it. It is a catch 22, you want tons of people praying for you, but when it does not work out, you do not want to tell them the sad news because you know that one of the three “saying” will occur, and every time you talk about it you tear up and that just makes for a crappy day.
And the real kicker…… Two Sundays from now is Mother’s day. probably the hardest day of the year for both Tiffany and me (because I don’t like seeing my wife’s soul hurt) and it is Pentecost Sunday, and it is Confirmation Sunday! I have a feeling we will be running from the church building as soon as the 2nd service is over, heh.
But, thank you for your prayers, and i want you to know that through the tears we praise God for helping us know a little more direction of where He desires for us to go when it comes to children. Now we get to look forward to what ever God has in store for us in the future! maybe adoption, but we have no idea when or how, but I promise we will be loving God through it.
(oh and you will not be able to leave comments on this post, heh heh)
Here is a quote of a quote from my friend Eric Keib! I loved it so much I had to put it on my blog.. and I am a huge N.T. Wright fan, of course!
Quote of a quote:
“In the latest Newsweek, Jon Meacham and Lisa Miller interview N.T. Wright about his latest book Surprised by Hope. Although I have recently purchased it I have not yet read it but plan to dig in in the next few weeks.
Meacham and Miller, close to the end of the article, ask him the following question:
“At the Lambeth meeting this summer, the subject of gay unions and gay clergy with top the agenda. What do you think will happen?”
Wright admits that although he believes it will be “messy” that he has hopes that people will really listen to each other prayerfully and in a spirit of humility. Then he says the following that I cannot help but adding a very emphatic “AMEN!” to:
“At the same time, I wish we could prioritize so that we were actually talking about issues of global justice and debt remission and global warming and so on. I mean, there’s something very bizarre about the rich arguing about sex while the poor are clamoring for justice“” (emphasis is Eric’s..but I fully support it, heh)
I was listening to Tiffany talk about an individual speaking to someone else about why the US flag was not in a more “visible” place in the sanctuary. And I have got to tell you that kills me! I actually have problems with the US flag being in the sanctuary period! I have a feeling somewhere down the road Christians have decided that politics and faith are so closely connected that they shoulo dnot be apart, but when I read the bible I see Christ consistently dealing with the politics and government of the day. And when he talks about a Kingdom it was meant to be a direct dig on the currently government!!! So come on Christianity, is it a democracy you have chosen to be a part of, or is it a King and a Kingdom? There is nothing wrong with our democracy and I saw Christ working within the one that he lived in where here, but when it comes to your life are you getting caught up in the King and his kingdom, or the government that you find yourself living in?
So, this made me think about a few words from Derek Webb, of who’s concert I went to last Thursday @ VC…..I was reminded how much I love his music and lyrics.. and I decided to share a few of them with yall:
Album: Mockingbird
Year: 2005
Title: A King & A Kingdom |
|
who’s your brother, who’s your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we’re all migrating to the place where our father lives
’cause we married in to a family of immigrants
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it’s to a king & a kingdom
there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him
but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think=====================================
And another:
Wedding Dress
if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
=================
Well what do yall think? Sadly, I have a feeling not matter how much I would love to sing these lyrics in church that I doubt there would be too many United Methodist Churchs that would allow me. But, maybe not.. 
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